Posted by: soulshinemoments | May 21, 2013

Awake & Alive

As previously mentioned, I am trying to enjoy every moment of my unstructured summer off from classes and my internship. Today I painted with Jax, walked for an hour, read, wrote, beaded my necklace, danced with my baby boy and tried to make him giggle uncontrollably, and watched “House Hunters International” with Jack.  We saw this episode of this gorgeous house in Nicaragua in the jungle, next to a yoga resort and I started feeling major wanderlust.  Also, we are talking about moving one day after I graduate from school.  We often talk about where we want to move–Ohio, Asheville, Florida, stay in Georgia but somewhere else. Nothing is definite; it is all just a bunch of daydreaming, but fun to think about, nevertheless.

I’ve been trying to be the silent, non-judgmental observer of my thoughts lately–and especially today.  What I’ve discovered is that I definitely have the “monkey mind”.  I’ve been striving to live moment by moment and really be awake and alive and experience all of my senses.  Why is it so difficult? The tension and anxiety inside of me, I don’t like.  It’s not always present, but it definitely seems to frequent more than I’d like. Other, more positive feelings I felt also pop up–feelings of peace, contentment, happiness and joy.  (I should make mention of those, too, I suppose.) I guess I just have to take the good with the bad and not run from any of the feelings and realize it is part of being human. I know that even negative feelings are better than being numb and dead to life. 

As I posted in the picture below, I pulled out my acrylic paints and Jack got me some crayons to give to Jackson.  I got him out a piece of paper and gave him a few crayons and let him doodle all over his piece of white computer paper.  I turned on some Dave Matthews Band through youtube and Jackson would intermittently rock his head to the music while doodling on.  It was priceless.  He’s not even two yet; how can he already be such a cool little being? 

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