Posted by: soulshinemoments | July 8, 2013

Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others…

“Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.  Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.  Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best.  Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.  Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side as long as you are true to the best that is in you!” -Christian D. Laron

I just read this quote and I think it is an amazing goal and something I want to strive for within myself.  I don’t think I am even close at this point in my life, but I really like the idea of it.  So strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind? Nope. I am sensitive and emotional, feel lost, under appreciated, overlooked, and it takes so much work for me to keep my “zen”… So much work. The sunny side of everything? So much of my life is fear-based and worst-case scenario, try as I might to fight it. I beat myself up with regrets and live in the past and question as to whether I should have zigged instead of zagged. I am often worried about others instead of just trying to worry about myself and improve myself. And, finally, too often I live in doubt instead of FAITH! Oh, it is so true.  But, I want to change.  I really, really do.

As previously mentioned, I am OVER this unstructured chaotic summer.  Jack and I got in a brief argument around three this morning because Ariel was still awake, as she has been for most of the summer.  She has no bed time during the summer. This seems crazy to me.  My friend in my program has two adolescent girls and she makes them go to their room for the night by 9:30.  I’m just asking for midnight, even one! Three AM, Four AM–nuts.  Jack doesn’t understand this.  He says it is summer time.  And he is up working until 4am most nights anyway, so he doesn’t see the big deal.  I was upset last night because he doesn’t seem to understand that by the end of the night, I want BOTH kids in bed.  It’s mommy/ mommy-daddy time (if he’s not working).

Huh? It’s summertime. You’re being militant!

I was upset about it for awhile.  Then I came to the conclusion that I really can’t control anyone else, not even my step-daughter (especially not my step-daughter?!).  My son is asleep at a decent hour, so I can feel good about that.  So who is the other person I can control? Myself! I had this revelation that maybe that is my whole problem to begin with.  I don’t have enough personal structure in my life.  I need to start going to bed at a decent hour.  I need to start waking up earlier.  I need to find my discipline and stick with it and I will feel better about life. I also wont be overracting because I am exhausted!

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind…

I woke up this morning and took Jackson to the playground at chick-fil-a and ended up laughing my ass off at my child.  He’s not even two yet and hanging with the big kids (5, 6, 7 years old) like he belongs with them.  Before I knew it, he was running up the slides with the older kids and truly hanging out with them.  Two of the boys were really looking out for Jackson and it was so sweet to witness.  I loved the fact that he was able to enjoy the playground like that,  big-boy style!

I also went to hot yoga today which I was pretty sure was going to be the death of me! This was an advanced class.  They were doing hand-stands and shit in it and I was humbled at how very far I have to go in my practice.  But the intensity cleared me out and I left yoga feeling, as usual, more centered, more mentally clear.

Afterwards, Rachel and I met at a nearby coffee shop.  She ordered mint tea and I ordered delicious jasmine tea (with extra, extra honey!) and we had some great conversations, as usual.  We both were able to opine about how being so unstructured is depressing.  And we both agreed that we were staying awake too late at night and this could be part of our problem.  So we kind of made a pact to go to bed earlier. (Genius!) And then wake up earlier! (Really brilliant. This is why we are both getting our masters degree! ;))

So here I am, lying in bed at not even 11 yet and about to stick to my goal.  Since I will be awake before everyone else, this will give me time in the morning to do zen-like activities like paint, draw, read, write, meditate, walk, clean, engage Jackson in intellectually stimulating activities, etc. Plus, I need to get into a better schedule before school starts anyway. My conversation with Rachel really motivated me and I am so grateful to have a friend like her!

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