Posted by: soulshinemoments | August 17, 2013

“I’ll Sit on your Egg & I’ll Try not to Break it…”

Is there boot camp training for being a step-mom?  What about meetings on becoming a step-parent?  Is there an app for my phone?  DVD’s? Youtube videos? Is there anything out there that would help me on becoming the best step mother that I can be?  Because there are days, like much of today has been, that I really, really, really need it.  I need guidance, advice, encouragement, trainings….something.  Sometimes I feel as if I have gotten myself into more than I can handle.  I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, misunderstood, and plain ol’ scared.

But, I keep fighting. I keep trying.  I keep summoning every ounce of goodness and kindness and unconditional love in my being and striving for what I know is right.  Even when the benefits feel few and far between.  Even when the rewards seem non-existent.  I still try.  I am still trying.

Everything happens for a reason.

Everything is exactly as it is supposed to be at this moment.  This moment is perfect.

I keep telling myself these things, reminding myself of these things.

Because…because….sometimes I question and doubt.

Sometimes I wonder if I am really right for this job.

Why me? What do I have to offer to be a good step mother?  I barely remember being an adolescent girl myself.  And now I am expected to raise one who deeply only misses her mother and wants her real mom in her life.  I will never measure up to that.  Never.  So I am in this race already in the hole.  Already I am insufficient.  Yet still expected to raise this child to become the best person she can become.  Teach her how to become a woman.  Spend time, energy, resources on her.  Set rules and boundaries.  Make sure she follows through.   Develop a thick skin when she acts unappreciative for all I try to do for her.  Keep that thick skin when she tries to ignore me after I tell her to finish her chores, follow through on her responsibilities.  Hold back my own tears when I feel exasperated….

“I said what I meant and I meant what I said.  An elephant’s faithful one hundred percent.” -Dr. Seuss

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Responses

  1. keep on trying sweetie she is lucky to have you in her life
    and one day she will know that

  2. What a tough job this is! I really feel for you. Keep at it; one day she will realize how lucky she is to have you – and she will tell you how appreciative she is. I just know it! Hugs!

    • Thanks so much, JJ. That really means a lot! Peace & Blessings

  3. Going on 2 years now I’ve been a full-time step mother to two children (ages 11 and 17) and I will tell you that it will always be rough. Just when you think you’re making progress somewhere, another issue rises up and smacks you on the head. When I say full-time I mean that my husband travels every week for work and their biological mom is as present in their lives as snow in the summer. It never gets easier, it just gets more tolerable. There are going to be a lot of days where you have to give up and let them be a brat and other days where they surprise you by doing what they’re told and telling you “bless you” after you sneeze (here lately I’ve been denied bless you’s as if they were to say, “I effing hate you”). And honestly-there is no youtube video or self-help book that is going to truly help you the way your peers and fellow step-moms will. Unlike these women who share your experience, a video or book will not be able to stop you in the middle of your anxiety and tell you that everything you’re feeling is normal. Nor will those books relate to you or your situation the way you need them to (and will sometimes make you feel worse) because you’re not going to be the perfect person 120% of the time…you can’t be and shouldn’t be. Every child and every family is a unique snowflake. We’re all similar but we’re all very different from each other. I’ve found blogging to be a really great place to get advice and feedback from all sorts of people in similar situations. And not only that, but sometimes it’s nice to just have someone remind you that you aren’t a monster and everything you’re feeling is a-ok.

    • Thank you for the words of wisdom. I look forward to following your blog for more words… peace and blessings

      • Thanks for following and same to you! Step-moms have to stick together.

      • Amen to the sticking together part! I will send out positive thoughts and prayers your way. 🙂


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