Posted by: soulshinemoments | October 21, 2013

You Have Only Moments to Live

“Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them.  In fact, I’d try to have nothing else.  Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.” -Nadine Stair, eighty-five years old, Louisville, Kentucky (Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn)

I am in the cafeteria on campus and on my third cappuccino as I am awaiting for my 2:00pm class to begin.  I have a lot on my plate and a lot of thoughts and words and ideas that are turning around in my head.  I need to write a reflection paper for my group therapy class about how the therapist’s role is to illuminate the here-and-now experiences that happen within group therapy.  I want to tie into this paper the idea of meditation and mindfulness, but I am not quite sure how to do that.  So, for now, I figured I would write in here while I try to figure my six page paper out. (Procrastination? Perhaps…)

A word to describe my weekend would be: RICH.  Not in monetary value,  but in moments of love, joy, fun, connectedness, peacefulness, serenity, etc.

Friday night, we had a bonfire at the house. 

It was Jack’s first night back from his trip to Wisconsin and I was more than excited to finally have the chance to spend time with him and catch up. 

Ariel invited four of her neighborhood friends over and they were in and out of our hair for the first part of the evening. (And, might I add, making horrible cheesy adolescent inuendas about roasting their “Weenies”  and dropping their “weenies” in the fire. Seriously?!  Was I that annoying at that age? No waaaaay….;))

Jackson, too, hung out with us for a while.  He, before sunset, was literally running up and down the neighborhood with me chasing him for a couple hours, giggling his butt off and wearing mine OFF. Finally, when it was dark out, I strapped him down in his stroller and pulled it next to the fire and I got a break from my serious exercise routine that Jackson had unknowingly orchestrated for me.  

Around 10:00, the kids were in the house and in bed and finally out of our hair.  Just as I was rejoicing in finally having some undisturbed quality time with my baby for the first time all week, our neighbors showed up in our yard to join us in front of the fire.  We have always told them that they have an open invitation to come over if they ever see we are having a fire in our fire pit, but Friday night I was not necessarily yearning for their company. And, they weren’t there just to say hello, they were coming to set up shop and stay for awhile.  

I tried my best to not show my annoyance. I actually did some self-inquiry and mindfulness reflection during their visit.  I realized that the reason I was feeling annoyed was because I had already set up an expectation in my mind on how our relaxing evening would play out once we finally got the kids to bed. Life had decided that our evening would go in a different direction which was something I couldn’t really control. (I mean, I guess I could have told them to go kick rocks, but wasn’t up to being that rude.) So, I could control my reaction to having these unexpected guests.

And, guess what? Our evening ended up going really nice with them around. We had some pretty intense conversations about death and dying and afterlife experiences. One of the neighbors had lost his mom a year ago and I mentioned how I was coming up on the year anniversary of losing my father (10/24/2012). We talked about love and loss.

Jack actually even referred to me as his wife while we were all hanging out, talking. This is the first time I have ever heard him call me this. We aren’t technically married, but have lived together for three years now. I will refer to him as my husband at school or at my internship because I prefer it over “Baby-daddy” and boyfriend, but I don’t think either one of us has used the term with the other sitting right next to us. I don’t know why, but it put a smile on my face. So silly, I know.

Saturday was a busy day for me, as well. My other neighbor, dear friend, and godmother to Jackson, is starting up her own business selling the “It Works” tightening and toning wraps. I really support her in her pursuits of starting her own business. Using a wrap to lose a few inches isn’t really my thing, but I wanted to support her so I went to her It Works wrap party. She was really disappointed because only 2 out of the 60 people she invited showed up. Poor thing.

After her wrap party, Jack and I spent most of the evening working on his instagram, etsy, and facebook pages, organizing and arranging pictures of his glass. It was actually fun for me. I deleted my facebook account last week because it is too much for me to keep up with right now. But, now, Jack gave me his password so I can work on his facebook page. I guess I can’t get away from the hold of facebook! But, at least this way, it is actually a potential productive facebook addiction. I am really hoping we can sell more of his glass online. It is crazy how much and how fast some glass artists are able to sell their stuff for online.

Sunday was a serene day for me. Jack and I took Jackson to our 2nd Sunday Church service. I love dropping off Jackson at the nursery because he enjoys interacting with the other children so much. He is such a social child and I love allowing him places to do that. I really can see my boy working with people one day. My dad was always so good with people and Jack is, as well. Jackson seems to have an innate gift.

Jack and I sat in service from 10-12. It was a long service, but it is not painful. The pastor is very gregarious and an entertaining speaker. He spoke a lot about the importance of reading the Bible, which I haven’t done much of in years. I went to a private Christian high school and read my Bible all of the time. But since my high school days, I have definitely not picked it up much.

After church, I threw on some sweat pants and a hoodie and drove to campus for a study group on our Forensic test we have tomorrow. I am pretty sure I studied with the smartest bitches in the program which means that I will definitely get an A tomorrow. 🙂 I love my social work girls…have I mentioned that before?!

At 6:30pm yesterday, Rachel and I met at the yoga studio for our second Mindfulness/Meditation class. That shit is tough! And also, easy! It takes discipline to do nothing, to not judge, to not engage with a thought.

“What y’all are doing is hard work,” Our mindfulness instructor informed us. “Also, you have to be brave to do this work. Often times, what’s in the ‘suitcase of the mind’ will come up and often these memories are painful and cause discomfort. The normal human reaction is to try to run from this discomfort. But, if you are able to sit in this discomfort, you will see that you are the one in control of the thoughts and that the thoughts are not in control of you.”

I also borrowed from our teacher Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn and read the first two chapters last night. I am in love. Is it bad that I want to skip classes and just read this book all day? But, alas, I won’t…

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