Posted by: soulshinemoments | November 1, 2013

Just an Intern…

 

 

 

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Hello, it’s crunch time!

I have been typing like a mad woman the past three days while also taking care of my family.  We have paper after paper due, along with midterms, and group projects.  I’ve been getting A’s on all of my things, but it is extremely difficult for me to maintain an A average, make sure there is food on the table (though, honestly, Jack mainly takes care of this), make sure the laundry is done, chase around my little Bunny, Jackson, and have time for meditation and exercise and eating well.  Guess which priority suffers the most? Self-care! I keep telling myself that once I graduate, pursuing my spiritual side and physical health will take priority.  Though, I know I need to do the best I can at the moment. It’s the beginning of the month, a fresh start, and the time is now to take care of myself.  I am going to ease up on the pumpkin spice lattes this month and drink more water and eat more veggies. I also am going to try the snooty yoga studio I mentioned in one of my last entries. I need to do this for myself, majorly. 

I had limited time at my internship this week.  In one way, I loved the time off and the ability to get work done (I seriously could not have gotten done what I did without the time.) I really appreciate it, but a part of me started to feel guilty when my supervisor informed me as I was almost to our team meeting today (which is an hour away) that I did not have to go to the meeting today if I didn’t want to.  At first, I told  her I would still go since I was almost there, but on second thought, the reality of all I had to do hit me hard and I agreed to take the day.  I am not ungrateful for the time off, but I am fearful that I won’t be a competent hospice social worker come May if I don’t start getting my own patients and delving into hospice social work more on my own. 

I talked on the phone for a while with my fellow intern, L., and we had a long discussion regarding this issue.  This is her second year doing hospice and she offered me some great insight.  She told me not to feel bad about the time off, but to also start advocating for myself and telling my supervisor that I am ready for patients. 

“Part of me is scared that I am not ready or competent. I worry that they aren’t giving me patients for a reason!” I confessed.

“No way! I had to advocate for myself a bunch and this is my second year doing hospice.  If you assert yourself, they will let you have your patients.  And you are definitely competent.  You have a gift of causing people to feel comfortable around you.  You have something about you that makes people trust you.  I think that is something you were born with and you need to be encouraged to express that gift and not suppress it. Tell your supervisor next week that you are ready.”

I thanked her for such a kind complement and told her I would do just that.  It is really the only way I will learn.  Plus, when I start interviewing for jobs next year, I want to truly be able to believe in myself and my capabilities and that won’t come without experience. 

In other news, I had an awesome Halloween yesterday.  Having a kid and participating in Halloween is even more fun than being a kid and participating in Halloween!  This is Jackson’s third Halloween, but the first one that he could actually go trick-or-treating. Half an hour before Ariel came home, the Halloween spirit hit me and I decided to grab a costume for myself.  Of course, Walmart was out of everything, so I found a leopard shirt, a short black skirt, fishnet stockings, a blonde wig, and something labeled as “fairy makeup” and threw an outfit together. I was going as a dumb, blonde bimbo, but some guy in the neighborhood thought I was a hooker.  As my friend said, “Well depending on the day, it could be considered the same thing.” Ha!  I had already gotten Jax a Bugs Bunny outfit weeks ago. I really got into dressing up which I haven’t done in forever. 

Jack was pretty “bah-humbug” about Halloween at first.  He said that he was just going to go downstairs and work (blow glass). I gave him a little bit of a hard time about it because it was Jackson’s first REAL Halloween where I could take him to a couple of houses. About that time, our friends (and Jax’s regular baby-sitter) called and asked if we wanted to go trick-or-treating with them around the neighborhood.  I was thankful for the opportunity of having someone to go with and agreed.  Once they were here with their cute little one year old boy who was dressed like a scare crow, Jack agreed to go with us.  He saw that his friend (and the one year old’s dad) also showed up so he said he would go with us. 

Once we went to the first house and Jackson hopped around in his little Bugs Bunny outfit saying, “Tricktreat”, Jack was thankful he decided to go with us.  The six of us had a wonderful time and Jackson hit it big with the candy. The little boys were so freakin’ adorable. Jack and I were even able to have some adult time once the kids went to bed and Widespread Panic live came on his live streaming notification. It was really one of the best Halloweens I have had in awhile.  

 

Peace & Blessings 🙂

 

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